Sending a text every now and again to check in won’t hurt you, and you know it’ll make them feel loved ( even if you don’t like them). Accept them for who they are and try not to look down on them for not living up to your standards or expectations. It may seem weird to you, and not as fun or exciting, but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. But, your in-laws go to McDonald’s and grab Egg McMuffins. Your mom made awesome cinnamon rolls and a giant fruit tray, and your dad made the best omelets you’ve ever tasted. For example, you grew up having a big feast on Thanksgiving. It’s totally natural and normal for your in-laws to do things differently than what you’re used to, but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Fifth, different doesn’t mean wrong.Įveryone’s family has a certain way of doing things. If they act immaturely about it, it’s not your fault. You can’t change or control their reaction. If they get so mad that they never want to see you or speak to you again, then that boundary worked out more in your favor than you ever imagined it could. You do you and what’s best for your family. IF your in-laws don’t like one of your boundaries, and they throw a big fit, let them. It’s much easier for a parent to have a potentially dicey conversation with their child than with their in-law. So, you talk to your family, and your spouse talks to their family. Setting boundaries keeps things nice and tidy and leaves the guesswork off the table.ĪLSO, and this is very important, each spouse should set boundaries with their own family. Kindly and firmly say, “No.” If you want your in-laws to call before dropping by, tell them! Maybe you would prefer that your father-in-law not watch certain shows around your children. You and your spouse want to start a new tradition around the holidays, but your in-laws insist that you come to visit them. They did live with them during their most formative years.įourth, set those boundaries with a smile. The truth is, your spouse more than likely already knows there are some odd bits about their parents. I can’t believe your mom has stayed with him this long.”īe sensitive. It’s okay to say, “I felt sad when I heard your dad talk to your mom in that tone of voice.” It’s not okay to say, “Your dad is a total jerkface. But, when it comes to talking about their parents, keep in mind that there’s a fine line between stating your feelings and being critical of their family. Third, tell your spouse about your uneasy feelings, but remember you’re talking about their parents.īe vulnerable and open with your spouse every chance you get. It just means you take a different approach to understand their motives and actions. Being empathetic doesn’t mean you excuse their behavior. Maybe they’re both a little off because their marriage and relationships aren’t as healthy as they used to be and they have some resentment and anger to work through. Forever.)Īnd, maybe your father-in-law is a little unhappy with himself or unfulfilled in his life. (Note: If you’re the daughter-in-law, this is NOT uncommon… I mean, you did take her place as the prioritized woman in her son’s life. Maybe she’s even a little intimidated by you. For instance, your mother-in-law may be passive-aggressive because she really just wants to spend more time with you but doesn’t know how to say it. TRY ( keyword here) to look past their glaring flaws and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe your mother-in-law is mega passive-aggressive and a little odd, and your father-in-law is just kind of a jerk all the time. If nothing else, try to respect them for giving you your spouse. Even though you formed a new family when you were married, your in-laws are the reason you have your spouse and a new family to begin with. It’s just important to keep the drama and the tension to a minimum as much as you can for the sake of your spouse and your children (if you have them). The truth is, you may never like your in-laws. So, what do you do? How do you get along with people you don’t really like?įirst of all, did you notice I said “get along with” and not “like?” But you want to try to have a good relationship with them.Īfter a few years of marriage (or less), you soon realize saying “yes” to forever with your spouse really did mean saying “yes” to forever with their family, as well as uncomfortable holidays and long weekends filled with awkward situations and tension for as long as you both shall live. Sometimes, your in-laws are just difficult to get along with. You might even be having a hard time living with your in-laws. Your in-laws might meddle in your marriage. In-laws are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.
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